Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Almighty 101

Let us for humour sake consider a possible God of the twenty-second century. “101 the almighty”, the software engineer and technological God who laid the foundations of quantum mechanical law, biology and UML and who created on a mountaintop somewhere a computer circuit that reveals the new rules by which humans were always supposed to live. What might 101’s "1010 Commandments" be and will there be updates available free online. Will he be an electronic God who distributes his “1010 Commandments 2.0” from a magical server some people say exists even though no one knows the IP address or has ever recived a message from it?
Electronic temples with free wifi might spring up all over the world where the prime-geek will declare in his fancy costume (baring religious symbols such as the binary ‘01’) in a loud voice (CAPS LOCK)
“LET US NOW SUBMIT OUR FEEDBACK FORMS TO SUPPORT”
To which the drone like congregation respond in unison
“Send!”
“LET US GIVE THANKS TO ALMIGHTY 101 FOR BLESSING US WITH 500Mbit BROADBAND”
“Thanks”
“AND THE 101 SAID ‘I AM THE ONE AND ZERO, THE BINARY AND HEX, I AM THE PC AND THE MAC, THE WINDOWS AND THE LINUX’”
“101 is trans-format an will plug into any port”
He might then recount the tale of how 101’s chief designer was send to earth to upgrade our telecommunications infrastructure and how he managed by 101’s magical compression algorithms to cram the entirety of wikipedia onto a 2gig USB memory stick.

101’s Commandments

0001: Don’t worship any other magical programmer/biologist/engineer (every other God uses this rule so there must be something to it - right?)

0010: Be careful with my name because that’s really important…I think, ok maybe not. Knock yourselves out.

0011: Remember to celebrate Bob’s day, which is Monday. It is the day that Bob was compiling the universe and he put his feet up and had a double mocha latte. It someone wants to go off and be a wet blanket though, let them, their loss!

0100: Your folks may not understand facebook but if not for them using their ZX spectrums, you would not have X-BOXs. So be nice to them.

0101: Don’t make computer viruses. It is not cool, it just makes you look like a bitter nerd.

0110: Don’t log on to someone else account. Doesn’t matter what kind of account or even if they are using it anymore. It’s not yours, leave it alone.

0111: Don’t pirate software…well not too often anyway and definitely not if it is being offered at a reasonable price. Same goes for music and movies.

1000: Don’t flame people just because you disagree with them.

1001: Don’t feed the trolls.

1010: Exercise common sense when it comes to everything else. You don’t need me to tell you that killing people isn’t nice. In short. Don’t be an asshole.

If the world lived by 101’s commandments rather than Yahweh’s, would it be much different?

2 comments:

theObserver said...

101 the Almighty will of course choose to communicate with mere end-users in ascii text. As well trained technologians will condescendingly pontificate to humourless end-users, the purest form of holy language is of course binary and is culturally determined by the technology of the day.

"Yes but when you take into consideration the limitations of the 8 bit dx processor and therefore scale upwards towards the higher truth 64 bit processor, what the mightily 101 meant by “01010101110101010111010101 (Thou shall not use all thy bandwidth downloading porn)”, he did of course mean “1011111110111110101011111111111110101011111111111101011 (Thou can use all thou bandwidth downloading holiest of holy porn).”

Those from the Mystic tradition will believe they can detect several layers of spiritual messages by staring at blank walls filled with the Almightys binary language while in a state of near starvation

The Celtic Chimp said...

Blessing of the almighty 101 be upon you. May all your truths be hexadecimal truth.